When will the dreams stop
dreams of us together, happy
and in love
when will the nightmares begin
i want the nightmares!
i want the anger and the hate
not the peaceful wing of dove
i'm told i've pushed down my feelings
all these years
not allowed 'to feel'
don't upset or make you mad
have to keep an even keel
even with death i was not allowed to grieve
i love you mom, i love you dad
bubble up hate, bubble up anger
you are free now to feel
all my feelings ARE valid
and my thoughts are too
i am NOT defective
you are wrong
i am through loving you
deb newton 2011
I think it is great that you are able to express what you feel. You are right, your feelings are valid and do matter. It's easy to say you are done and harder to be done. You should be thankful for the peace you are feeling. Hate and anger are just wasted emotions. They are nonproductive. You are so much better than that. Find the treasure in these moments and keep them close. You are strong and resilient and will get through these hard times.
ReplyDeleteI applause the courage it takes to face honest feelings. I love that you found the strength to let go of the past. I've found the hardest thing in life is to turn things over to God and them to leave them there. We have a weakness for trying to take back control ourselves.
ReplyDelete'hugs from afar'
Love you Deb. Keep writing. I know it helps!
ReplyDeleteDeb-Keeping you close in my heart... Lynn
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking of you as you make your way through these uncharted waters. Have a good evening. Blessings...Mary
ReplyDeletedenial of truth and genuine feelings is much more damaging and harder on us than facing and expressing the truth and respecting our feelings.
ReplyDeleteyay for your new-found freedom!