Dragonfly Treasure: 2011-08-28
Welcome to my
Perfectly Imperfect Life..........

Friday, September 2, 2011

Sharing Clip Art








Enjoy!

HOW HOT IS IT IN Vegas ??

This is Elliot, a British Bulldog, and this is an "un-posed" picture (trust me, you couldn't actually make Elliot do anything) of said pooch trying to beat the Vegas heat after his owners emptied their cooler in the driveway.


One picture is worth a thousand words......

Thursday, September 1, 2011

TWO OF THE YEAR'S BEST COMEBACK RESPONSES

Number 1:



If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility ....



Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'


A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'


Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'


A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'


Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'


A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'


Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'


A: 'Yes sir, we do!'


Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'


A: 'Yes, sir, .. I do.'


Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: 'Yes, sir.'


Q: 'Now, ... why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'


A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'


The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.




Number 2:


Now We Know Why He Was a General -----


 



In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.


His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.


The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function .... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."


You have got to love them both!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Just Like Candy!

With Summer comes lots of fresh fruits and veggies.

No body loves Corn on the Cob more than our Russian Tortoises.


When they see it they come running!


May I introduce you to Boris and Natasha


Yes, their manners are lacking...


At about 6" in diameter they are still growing


When we got them they were about 2''-3'',
that was 10 yrs ago


They grow very slowly


even though they have big appetites.

Monday, August 29, 2011

The Cowboy Solution

Cowboy Solution (This is Good)


Cowboy rules for:



Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:


1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.


2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.


3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.


4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.


5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.


6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.


7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.


8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.


9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.


10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.


11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.


12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!


13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.


14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.


15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.


16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!


 And there is more.............


The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline.

OBAMA wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....

The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 15 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down.....

Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....

When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....

Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military....

Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it......

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country.....

He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident.....

This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. .......

If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.

Problem solved.....

.

.
Blog Widget by LinkWithin