lost is what I feel
34 years is a long time
how will I ever heal
i always tried to tow the line
but I was stupid, I was dumb
nothing could I do right
all this hurt just made me numb
i suffered alone in silence
i was embarrassed so
we were the happy couple
what would people say if they were to know
fists, furry, rage
clean it up, patch it up
all is fine, it never happened.
the shattered cup
the broken vine, a spirit flattened
our children paid the toll
did you ever truly love us?
we certainly couldn't tell by your actions
here a shove, there a push
you always had to buy the best of things
we were never enough for you
hurtful, mean, unfaithful
liar, boastful, fool
you've made your bed
and in it you lie
enjoy it my love
for alone, you will die.
deb newton 2011
Oh' Deb. I've had you on my mind for days. I should have come by sooner but things have been crazy here. I just was stopping in to say good nite before heading off to bed this morning. I'm glad I did. Honey, you're one brave girl to put this out there. You're not stupid, your a woman with a family who deeply loved the man she married. I'm going to bed with a prayer on my lips for you. May God give you strength and comfort. I hope I can stop back by tomorrow. MIL's not doing too well but either way I'm thinking of you and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs and love...Tracy :)
I am so sorry that you are going through this right now Deb. I wish I could say something to help you feel better. If you ever want to talk or need anything, I am here for ya!
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
Maggie
Oh Deb....I am so sorry you are going through such a terrible time! I had something similar happen to me, after 25 years of marriage. The hurt, disappointment, and the fallout is beyond our ability to cope sometimes. Stay strong for yourself & your children as best you can.
ReplyDelete♥'s
Sherry
Oh Deb,
ReplyDeleteI have tears streaming down my face.....so much pain in these words! I hope from here you can start to really heal yourself and those you love.....This took courage and I respect you for that.....know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Sandy
Deb that is so honest and filled with raw emotion! Get it out and let it go. It will take time but you can do it. I so understand the pretending to be the perfect couple when all is hell at home. You are strong and beautiful and can be the true you from now on.
ReplyDeletehugs, Linda
Deb, My heart goes out to you during this time. You wonder how could I have changed things, but it is a two way street and unfortunately some want it their way or no way. Some say that when a person gets sick, it makes them do strange things, but I don't totally believe that. I believe that they learned how to push the buttons to make a person jump throught hoops and used it. I keep getting asked what I am going to do when something happens to my other half who I have taken care of for the last ll years. Well I definitely am not going looking for someone else. I don't want to take care of someone else. Maybe I am getting selfish. I am going to do the things that I like that I have not had the time to do. I hope you can find some of those things to do. I know it is hard, but it will get better. Take each day as they come because the man up stairs is there to help us even though we wonder if he hears us at times. Sorry this is long, but hang in there. I am there for you. Hugs Your Missouri Friend.
ReplyDeleteWhat a world full of pain you are dealing with. Remember God is there full of enough grace for you and your entire family.
ReplyDeleteMy besty! You are never far from my heart and mind. Keep writing for it truly heals the soul!
ReplyDeleteAlways and forever!
Dawn
My thoughts are with you Deb, I've been in a similar situation. We are so much stronger than we know, take care of yourself:@)
ReplyDeleteSometimes you can't look back but instead need to keep looking in the only direction of forward. It's what you do now ~ don't you think?
ReplyDeleteSending you warm thoughts, best wishes and a big hug.
xo Catherine
Deb, I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling now. I have no words to make the pain and hurt go away. Try to keep your eyes on the road ahead and the sun will eventually break through. Try to stay strong. Hugs and blessings...Mary
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by my blog and for your nice comments! I'm sorry that you are going through a hard and hurtful time...I don't know your situation, but am sending loving thoughts and prayers your way...
ReplyDeleteWe are not stupid for trusting commitments made to us...he was cruel to betray the trust you placed in him and to dishonor the position of privilege of being father. How sad and empty a human being he must be to have never gotten beyond the rages of teenage hormones and feelings of inadequacy. Let this be a turning point...turn towards the good and the positive and continue to give love...don't demean yourself by closing yourself off and becoming that which you've been freed from.
ReplyDelete