These are not as I remember them...

Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard.

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Mary had a little lamb.

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two hunks of bread.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

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Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man,

'What have you got there?'

Said the pie man unto Simon,

'Pies, you dumb ass' !!

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again..

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Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock.

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.

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Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

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There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

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You have to be old enough to appreciate these.

If you don't understand them, it is because you are too young!

Cheers