On Christmas Eve day my daughter ran a fever of 102. Since this was the only symptom she had, I figured she was coming down with the flu. That night she woke up screaming she couldn't breathe. Got her into the car and flew to Emergency.
As I was getting her in a wheelchair, she said "I'm going to die". I told her no she wasn't, they'd give her some antibiotics and we'd be out of there. They took her in immediately. Tested for COVID, Flu, Valley Fever, RSV, and more. All came back negative. After Xray's, meds, lab work, etc. they admitted her to ICU, saying she had pneumonia. I was so confused as to how it could come on so fast when she had only been sick 1 day with only fever as a symptom. They tried to Intubate her she fought them - she has a severe gag reflex which is what they figured was why she fought them. At one point she stood up on the bed, shaking with eyes darting so fast back and forth it was hard to even follow them. They yelled she's having a seizure. She then collapsed. This surely had to be a nightmare from ''The Exorcist''. But it wasn't. They put her on a paralytic which paralyzed her so she wouldn't fight the machine. It was awful. After several days on antibiotics not only had her right lung filled with infection but the left one had started to also. I couldn't get my wits about me to advocate for her enough.....like why was she getting worse? Why not change antibiotics, drain her lungs, etc. It all seemed surreal, surely I was having a nightmare. Jan. 3rd they decided to wean her off the paralytic. She would wake up once in a while and we would communicate by 1 blink for yes, 2 for no. She couldn't talk due to the tracheotomy. She said she was scared, I encouraged her to keep fighting, that things would get better and they would be able to remove the trach. I left that night feeling good that we had been able to "talk", feeling she was getting better. I got a call Jan. 4th early in the morning. I was to get to the hospital immediately. When I arrived I was told her organs were shutting down, that they had been giving her CPR longer than they would normally because she was so young. They wouldn't let me in the room but I did see them use the paddles as they were ushering me by her room. They just couldn't get her heart to stay in sinus rhythm. I was told there was nothing further they could do. I just couldn't comprehend what they were saying, what do you mean there isn't anything more they could do? It seemed they were all talking at once, their conversations were all jumbled up. I final realized they were asking me of they could stop. My heart sank, I shook my head yes.
That was they day my heart broke, it would never be whole again. This couldn't be happening. She was my best friend, we were attached at the hip, went every where together. How could she be gone. I wanted to go in and say goodbye, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. My boyfriend went in said his goodbyes and gave her a kiss for me. There were so many images I had in my head, I was scared to add this to them. Regret it? yes I do now, why wasn't I stronger? How could I have failed her like this? How could this come on so quickly? What did I do wrong? Why didn't I catch on earlier? Questions, I was filled with questions with no answers. Just filled with guilt. On the drive home, of course I balled my eyes out. How was I going to tell my 3 sons their only sister was gone. I had to be strong, the only thing I didn't feel I could do.
Melissa Marie Newton
June 29, 1979 - January 3, 2025
Forever 45
I love you more than life itself and miss you every moment of everyday.
I apologize if this seems jumbled up. Doing the best I can to get this down through waves of tears. here will be more to come. Not that anyone will want to read this, just thought it maybe cathartic for me.
Be kind to people you come across, for you don't know what they may be going through.
My Sweet Melissa
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