Final Exam

At Penn State University there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident in their grades that the weekend before finals they decided to visit some outside friends and have a big party. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

Rather than take the final as scheduled, they decided that after the final was given they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they had visited friends, but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.


The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy, then they turned the page. On the second page was written. . .


For 95 points: Which tire?

Crazy Pets

Is it me or is Cyndar sucking her toes in her sleep???

And what is with Bynx popping my bubble wrap??

It's the first thing she heads for when she comes in the house

Guess she thinks it's fun too!

"Drafting Guys Over 60"

This is funny & obviously written by a former soldier...

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!


I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 55.


For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile..

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.


If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.


Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.


They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push ups after completing basic training.


Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.


An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.


These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.


Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them. HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??


Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

Show this to all of your senior friends...it's in big type so they can read it.

Something in the Air....

Did Phillip fart?

Check the expressions!

Look at the Queen's face!

A fart, by the way, is a most pleasant thing,

It gives the belly ease.

It warms the bed in winter,

And it suffocates the fleas.

A fart can occur

In many odd places,

Leaving everyone there,

With strange looks on their faces .

From wide-open prairies,

To small elevators,

A fart will find all of Us …

sooner or later.

That farts are all bad,

Is simply not true-

We must never forget.......

Sweet, old-farts, like you!

Entitlement???

Yer dern tootin' it's an entitlement... we're entitled to the money we sent to D.C. + interest!

What the hell is wrong here?


Remember, not only did you contribute to Social Security but your employer did too. It totaled 15% of your income before taxes. If you averaged only 30K over your working life, thatÂ’s close to $220,500. If you calculate the future value of $4,500 per year (yours & your employerÂ’s contribution) at a simple 5% (less than what the govt. pays on the money that it borrows), after 49 years of working (me) you'd have $892,919.98.If you took out only 3% per year, you receive $26,787.60 per year and it would last better than 30 years, and thatÂ’s with no interest paid on that final amount on deposit! If you bought an annuity and it paid 4% per year, you'd have a lifetime income of $2,976.40 per month. The folks in Washington have pulled off a bigger Ponzi scheme than Bernie Madoff ever had.


Entitlement my ass, I paid cash for my social security insurance!!!! Just because they borrowed the money, doesn't make my benefits some kind of charity or handout!! Congressional benefits, aka. free health care, outrageous retirement packages, 67 paid holidays, three weeks paid vacation, unlimited paid sick days, now that's welfare, and they have the nerve to call my retirement entitlements !

 Emergency Rooms for their general health care-At just one hospital the cost to tax payers totaled over 25 million a year!!!


Someone please tell me what the Hell's wrong with all the people that run this country!!!!!!


We're "broke" & can't help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless etc.,???????????


In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti , Chile , and Turkey . And now Pakistan home of bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!


Our retired seniors living on a 'fixed income' Receive no aid nor do they get any breaks while our government and religious organizations pour Hundreds of Billions of $$$$$$'s and Tons of Food to Foreign Countries!


They call Social Security and Medicare an entitlement even though most of us have been paying for it all our working lives and now when its time for us to collect, the government is running out of money.Why did the government borrow from it in the first place?

We have hundreds of adoptable children who are shoved aside to make room for the adoption of foreign orphans.


AMERICA: a country where we have homeless without shelter,children going to bed hungry, elderly going without 'needed' meds, and mentally ill without treatment -etc,etc.

YET......................


They have a 'Benefit' for the people of Haiti on 12 TV stations, ships and planes lining up with food, water, tents clothes,bedding, doctors and medical supplies.


Imagine if the *GOVERNMENT* gave 'US' the same support they give to other countries.


SAD?


YEAH, OK, SO WHEN DO WE GET UPSET AND


DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?????

Stuff you didn't know you didn't know!

Wanted to share this email I received :):)

Every day more money

is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.

Treasury.

 

Men can read smaller

print than women can;
women can hear better.

 Coca-Cola was

originally green.

It is impossible to lick

your elbow.

The State with the

highest percentage of people who walk to work:

Alaska

The percentage of

Africa that is wilderness: 28%
 
(now get this...)

The percentage of

North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising

a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:

$ 16,400

The average number
of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 

61,000

Intelligent people
have more zinc and copper in their hair..

The first novel ever

written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer..

The San Francisco

Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck

of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse

has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

If the horse has one front leg in the air,

the person died because of wounds received in battle.

If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died

of natural causes

Only two people

signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4,

John Hancock

and Charles Thomson.

Most of the rest signed on August 2,

but

the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Q. Half of all

Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat ownersname their boats.

What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

Q.. If you were to

spell out numbers,

how far would you have to go until you

would find the letter 'A'?
 A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers

and laser printers have in common?

A. All were invented
by women.

Q. What is the only

food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

Q. Which day are

there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

 In Shakespeare's

time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.

When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,

making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the

phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'

It was the accepted

practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that

for a month after the wedding,

the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with

all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because

their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the

honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale

is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when

customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind

your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get

the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'

Many years ago in England ,

pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle

of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill ,

they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle'

is the phrase inspired by this practice.

At least 75% of

people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2012 when...

1. You accidentally

enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't

played solitaire with real cards in years.
 

3. You have a list

of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail and text the

person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for

not staying in touch with friends and family is that they

don't have e-mail or text addresses.

6. You pull up in

your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is

home to help you carry in the groceries...

7. Every commercial

on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house

without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first

20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic

and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in

the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
 

11. You start

tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading

this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you

know exactly to whom you are going to forward this

message.

14. You are too busy

to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually

scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~
NOW

U R LAUGHING at yourself.

 You know you want to!

Go lick your elbow.

Three Presidents

No one in either party has the courage to do this.

What did Presidents Hoover , Truman, and Eisenhower have in common?

This is something that should be of great interest for you to pass around. I didn't know of this until it was pointed out to me.


Back during the great depression, Herbert Hoover ordered the deportation of ALL illegal aliens in order to make jobs available to American citizens that desperately needed work.


Harry Truman deported over two million illegal aliens after WWII to create jobs for returning veterans.


In 1954 Dwight Eisenhower deported 13 million Mexicans. The program was called Operation Wetback. It was done so WWII and Korean War veterans would have a better chance at jobs. It took two years, but they deported them!


Now, if they could deport the illegal aliens back then, they could surely do it today. If you have doubts about the veracity of this information, enter Operation Wetback into your favorite search engine and confirm it for yourself.
Why, you might ask, can't they do this today? Actually the answer is quite simple. Hoover , Truman, and Eisenhower were men of honor, not untrustworthy politicians looking for votes!




Reminder: Don't forget to pay your taxes - 12 to 20 million illegal aliens - are depending on it.